Monday, September 03, 2007

My Heroic Revolutionary Uncle Saulito Speaks Out

Girls,

As a little girl, I always wanted to be just like my dad's dear old friend, Saul Landow. You remember him, don't you? The one who extended to me his comradely greetings when I was in Alameda, California on my book tour? I fucking love him. He taught me how to play Marxist Monopoly right under the family Christmas tree (which some years had a little Che on top instead of a red star) back when I was a nina. He taught me the wonders of all that free health care in Cuba. And unlike me, he could actually speak Spanish. I think it was because he had a communal, or maybe I should say, communist, relationship with Uncle Fidel. Now that's a great man.

Nowadays, he's been helping Hugo Chavez over in Venezuela with his job on the board of Telesur, the Marxist CNN set up in the name of the people to counter all the goddamn racist Miami Cuban Nazi control of the mass media. But this brother has never forgotten his roots.

Today, my dad's comrade who played Leninist frisbee with me as a kid and taught me how to fight class warfare, has written something warm and wonderful about the Cuban Five for the magazine my dad likes to write for and to which I can only aspire, Counterpunch. See?

First he started off his opus with toilet talk, appropos of nothing, but something I always enjoy. Too bad he didn't bring up penises, but I made do with the real carne of the issue, the unfair inability of Cuban spies to buy their way out of U.S. justice. It's just plain wrong. Justice is for sale here, fuckers, and only being big and important and capitalist is what gets you off. That's why I stand up for the little people. But the Bush administration continues to persecute mi gente, the revolutionary Cuban spies (who dance so well!) and who are only coming to America to do good, for its own good!

Uncle Saulito writes that the only reason the US would arrest such paragons of social justice is its bitter vengeance that Uncle Castro hasn't been defeated:

Since Washington had failed to punish Cuba adequately for its near half century of disobedience, the opportunity presented by the Cuban Five fell like a serendipitous apple onto the vengeful ground of the national security elite, the group that wages war and regularly infringes on citizens' rights in order to "protect" the public.
See? It's all a government plot. And they're angry that Cuba has humiliated America, nothing more. That's why they won't let Uncle Fidel's agents spy on those goddamn Miami Cuban Nazis in peace! (In self defense, of course.) That's what it's about, girls. My Saul has the whole story and he tells it for me so my publisher won't scream at me.

Comradely greetings,

Not Alisa

1 comment:

not alisa said...

i just love reading this post after a hot day at the office. speaking of which, work is like such a boar because my boss (who happens to be my daddy's former college roommate) is always up in my shit. like the other when he said that i couldn't take a tewn minute brake so that i could drive over to my church and confes my sins to father downey. god i would love to just push my boss out of his office window but i would rather hire thugs to do the dirty work. oh god i just love that word. dirty.