I can't believe how stupid the mainstream establishment media are. I'm getting a new column or blog, with either Yahoo! or a major media outlet. Count on me to go for the the more prestigious media one, I can demogogue more as a "deep" thinker (I told you I was "deep" didn't I?) ... or maybe I'll just go for the bloggy one that pays more so I can spend more on Starbucks trips at the mall. Hmmmm. It's so dificil, mi'jas. What do you say I do? Te quieres? Everyone wants a these days firebrand whose outbursts will bring them traffic. That's why I'm so popular with content providers. But don't you dare call me 'piquante' or a hot peppa, bitches. That's racist. As a matter of fact, I'm much more like microwave radiation than actual warmth. Kind of like my meals.
Which brings us to the Latinidad issue. Girls, do you know how great this is? Fucking stupid white men, who haven't even looked at my color of skin, have picked me to be the staff negro, only Mexican. That's right, they all Latinas are Mexicans and I'm the one whose risen up and said I'd never clean anyone's toilet. Can you see how I can profit off their stupidity? I, The Reina Dirty, will now be the voz of Latinidad right there in the goddamn rightwing Miami-Cuban infiltrated American media! And my Starbucks and Lexus tastes here in Scottissuedale are going to be fobbed off as Latinidad. Tough luck for those Guadalupe-worshipping Mexicans as representational, I'm their representation now! The media bigshots will have their Latino box checked off with me and I'll be their spokesman. It's kind of fun doing jobs Mexicans won't do, no? I like the idea of speaking for Mexicans, telling their pro-Castro story to mainstream America, explaining that most are Wiccans, have my morals, and announcing that they will only vote for the most Chavista of presidential candidates. I bet I even get some cheap Citgo heating oil out of it.
Here's the best part, though. Now that I will be a bigname columnist and sought by all, I'll write about Latina matters and scream and yell when the topic of the day is something else. I'll screech about Latinidad being ignored by goddamn racists in the media. Then, when I DO write about Latinidad, I'll holler even louder about being confined to "this ghetto." You see? I get it both ways.
I can't wait to bite the hand that feeds me, these idiots should have known better. Since I'm now getting it both ways, I'll bite both hands.
Venceremos, with a mailed fist,
Friday, May 24: Parenting Disaster: Extreme Excuses
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