I moved out here to Tempe to start a new life near a real city, you know with a Starbucks on every corner, and I bought a half-million dollar house in a great subdivision.
I put a couple of bucks down and signed up for an Adjustable Rate Mortgage (ARM). Now I know why they call it an ARM, it's like getting fisted up to the elbow without any lube when the teaser rate ends and the prime rate starts going up. Now my house is worth half of what I paid.
Anyway, I'm tired of this dump and this city and have decided to leave the bank holding the bag. I mean whose fault is it that they lent me $490k without checking whether I had any regular income? It sure as hell ain't my fault. I mean they took my down payment gladly. Where's MY MONEY?
I was talking this over with an acquaintance the other day and I mentioned my down payment money and she told me "well actually the lender didn't take the down payment. They gave it to the seller along with the rest of the purchase price for the home. The lender is the one that allowed your transaction to happen in the first place. You're committing mortgage fraud." I couldn't believe the fascist shit that this bitch was trying to sell me. Can you fucking believe that? What the fuck does she know, economics degree, phooey!
Look this is going to be my revenge on all those greedy capitalist fuckers in corporate America. So I'm calling the Mayflower movers and taking off with all my shit in the middle of the night like the Baltimore Fucking Colts. Daddy has my room waiting for me back in Elephant Butte. I just have to make him move the bust of Karl Marx to the garage.
I probably shouldn't be writing this on the blog, I mean maybe this can be used as evidence of premeditated fraud. That's O.K. I can always delete it later.